Don't Say It, Just Do It

There are many things that people just dont like to admit, especially things that people find difficulty in doing. For me, it's saying no.

I have always wanted everything. I wanna help people, I wanna do stuff for people, I wanna meet people, I wanna go out, I want to be cared for, I want to care for someone, I want someone talkative, I want someone who says nothing, I want everything, and wanting everything clashes with the laws of nature.

When it comes to men, one can't have everything. Conflicts begin, people pull away. People use force, worst of all they use emotions.

What happens when there's more than one man that intrigues you? That attracts you? Or that is attracted to you? Intrigued by you?

There's a part in everyone of them that you just wanna pool together and form that perfect man. But you can't.

If you choose one, you lose the rest, even as friends. They're gone, they wanna keep their ego, rather than your friendship, but even if they do remain friends, it'll never be the same again.

It's a selfish act, to want everything.

In a few weeks, I've done a really swell job at getting myself twisted, like growing vines on a picket fence. Worst thing is, not only am I fully aware that I'm hurting other people, I'm knowingly hurting myself.

I didn't know that this would happen, I didn't know that every step that I take, I dig a hole behind me, and if you follow too close, you'll fall.Sometimes I take a step backwards and fall in myself. If only someone would take a step aside and walk with me.

I didn't mean for you to fall and hurt yourself. Is it my fault?=O is it because we kissed? I know what you want, but I dont know what I want, I want everything. Not just something.

It'd be my fault if I didn't call it quits. Not because I dont want you, but because I dont know what I want, I want everything, and that will hurt you. I dont want that.

In fact, if I didn't feel so strongly about loyalty, I'd be a female equivalent of a pimp. And I'd have the lota ya!

If I can't have it all, I'd rather have nothing at all. I'm a greedy and a selfish bitch, I know, and that is why I have to make this move. I put myself in check so I dont have to face it - the check mate.

What's going through your head is a defensive thought, well, I didn't like her anyway. We didn't have anything going on so there's nothing to be worried about.You're a little hurt, but you know had doubts to begin with anyways.

You know maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe I'm not afraid to hurt you, I think I'm afraid to hurt myself. I dont want to lose you, I dont want you to know how horrible I am in actual fact. I'm afraid that you will know the me I try so hard to deny. The me that I've always tried to put behind me, that haunts my every thought at night before I go to sleep.

I'm not the girl you perceive me to be. I'm more, more in a way you'd never begin to imagine, it'll scare you and you will leave me. I'm a brilliant woman, I like for you to think so, thus that is what you think.

A great love of mine once said to me "I don't know you at all, you only ever show your beauty." He told me that I was the most beautiful creature that ever lived, and he left me.

I can never predict the pulses of human behaviour, I may know alot about men, and can sometimes control their thoughts, but sometimes, I'm just dummified at what happens.