Friggin BrokeN Mad!

I feel messed up.I feel angry, stupid, and disappointed because of how I was treated by Hm.

It's a small matter, something that I shouldn't even be considering, but this small matter links to other larger matters, that I cannot accept!

I would like to state a commonly known fact at this point in time. "I am echez, and I and friggin BROKE and MAD!"

Frug! I am fed up, pissed off and every other word you can think of that expresses anger! Is it MY fault? Am I being irrational? Was it my fault to give in to my own belief?

You may think that I am over reacting to the situation, you might think that I'm being unreasonable, or whatever bad, but I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!!! I am MAD!

Hm knows that I'm flat broke. I told him that I am broke! I told him that though I didn't mind seeing him, I really couldn't, and that's a FACT, why, because I AM BROKE!

He says "Don't worry about that matter, I've got it covered. You dont have to worry about that, I just want to see you"

"No, I can't, really. Can't you understand the situation that I'm in? I dont have money, I can't put gas into my car, I can't pay for anything, I feel vulnerable, I might even get stuck somewhere either on the way there or back, if I get lost and there's a toll to pay I CANT! Not that I dont want to but I CANT!"

So he knows what kind of situation I am in, but he says, "look I haven't seen you for such a long time, I just want to see you, I dont want you to worry about all those things, I just want to see you."

After about two weeks of arguing with him that fact that I AM BROKE, I give in - It's stupid, I know.

He said that I wouldn't have to be afraid that my car would have no gas, I wouldn't have to be afraid that the dinner couldn't be paid for, I didn't have to be afraid that I didn't have any anything. I was very very sceptical, very very. But hey, the guy has been bugging me about this for two weeks, dinner wouldn't be so bad right?

I tried to justify my actions by repeating to myself that, hey, girls do this all the time. They force guys to pay all the time, and they feel alright about it, in fact some feel great. Why in the world do I, of all girls have to have a frigin conscions?Afterall, I'm not doing it on purpose, I'm really, actually in a situation!

I hate the thought that I would have to watch him slooowly, reluctantly pull out a note, as if it was his life savings and pay for everything. Again I said to myself, hey, chill it's just dinner. *breath, it's okay!*

Alright, I'm cool. I can handle this, he's just paying for dinner, it's cool, dont feel embarrassed, dont feel weird, just chill, you're a pretty, classy girl, you deserve this...uhh...no, it's not working, still feel really akward, bad, and dumb.

*breath, it's alright, gawd damn, what's wrong wit me, he asked me to go out-and I didn't really want to, he should be the one paying.*

*Frug! What da...is wrong wit you Ez? Dat's not the way to think!What kind of evil monster are you, expecin someone to pay for you...? Remember the morals you set for yourself!*

In the end he paid. i felt good, and bad, and weird, and akward.

Evening goes on. "Fuel Warning" falshing in bright orange above E and F. Shit...why now, shit. How am I supposed to let him know that we needed gas, and I AM BROKE?! You see, this is the exact situation I hate being in.

Some other random facts, I picked him up from his HOUSE! I drove him everywhere, I drove him BACK HOME~!! We kept going, the "Feul Warning" light getting brighter and brighter, my body felt more and pale as I didn't know what to do.

And finally, I worked up enough guts to ask him, "Umm..so you think we should get some gas? I think the car is going to stop soon..heh..urm..he..he..."

"You should know, it's your car, and you're driving it, how should I know?"...BASTARD!

Never-the-less, I drove to the gas station, it was bad of me to think that he would get the hint and at least offer to pay for the gas.

On normal occasion I would never expect him to but in this situation, he promised me that he would take care of everything and that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable because of the factors that I mentioned to him, and he was very well aware that I was BROKE!

So we stop at the gas station, and he dares to say "So, heh, are you gonna get the gas?" In an almost sarcastic manner!

WTF!? You F*cker! I'm Friggin BROKE! You asked me to go out with you, you said I wouldn't feel weird that I didnt have enough for gas, or anything during the night, and now! You're ASKIN ME why I'm not gettin the gas?!

WTF!?!?! Are you stupid?! Or are you naturally an ARSEHOLE!!!

Obviously I dont have any cash, obviously I wouldn't want you to pay for anything had I the cash myself, obviously if the car doesn't have gas I can't drive you to and from your house during a date that YOU are supposed to be taking ME on!

What were you thinking? I know what you were thinking, you were thinking of kissing and f*cking. What a surprise! You were thinking of how dificult I was being.

The worst of all was that all of the things you said to me for two weeks about going out with me, and respecting my fears, and the way I am, and taking care of things when we are out, when I am vulnerable, all the things that you said to me was BULLCRAP! And that is the worst part of all.

That you would say anything, promise everything, just to get what you want, and when you think you've got it, everything that you said you were concerned about, you actually aren't!

I know you're a politician's son, doesn't mean you have the right to make empty promises to me! I take it as a personal insult what happened .

Of all the bad choices I make in my life, trusting a MAN is the worst thing I have ever let myself do.

Thank you for the lesson you have taught me, and I believe this is the end of our acquaintence. Until next time Hm.