MC's B-Day Bash

One candle on his cake, I have no idea how old he is. I have no idea what his real name is even. These personalities, they're so mysterious, they want to change their name, grow their hair long, look cool, act cool. But Mc's cool, he's nice, he's happening, he's popular, he's all that!

In a hip bar in the middle of town, MC's celebrates his day of birth. Drinks and people, more guys than girls, I was surprised, but definitely not disappointed. As men feast their eyes on hot chicks, lil girls like me, innocently check out the guys.

For a single gal, in the peak age of her life, where parties and partying should be the life. I somehow feel out of place. Tell me, what were you doing when you were 21?

After almost 8 months of grueling work, the only difference is that I'm 8 months older. There's gotta be more to it than that, I mean - come on! What's life if it's gonna go round and round, and come back to start, time elapsed.

Okay enough about life, too much of the mush recently. So I played a game of pool, met a coupla stock brokers, consultants, software developers. Just another night out. I think the world is made up of alot of ordinary people who look good on paper, and sound good when spoken. They're really just your ordinary tom.(dick and harry sound vulgar)

So back to the party, there was talking, there was drinking and there were chunky cigars, and there were men, and there were boys, alota boys.

Cousez: No, I didn't kiss anyone, I dont think I even danced. I drank a little, I think the whole point was just to show up. Perhaps I didn't see anyone worth kissing, perhaps I =O, was thinking of someone else.

I think in the end, the party sort of depressed me, I have no idea why, probably fifty guys that came alone or with other guys. At least thirty were single and available, and I felt like leaving! I know! What's wrong with me?!

I left, I felt like shit, then again I've been feeling like shit for the past week. Don't ask me why, coz I'm not really sure. Maybe its shit season, maybe I've me the man of my dreams.

So I left the party, I drove around town. I stopped and I just sat there. You know how sometimes in life, you just phase out, like your head just floats away, thinking of something but you dont know what. It's like a numb feeling of the highest state of nothingness. Come to think of it, it's pretty scarey. Perhaps it was just the alcohol, heh.

Secretely I longed for his arms to wrap around me. For him to just shut-da-f*ck up for once and just hold me. You could tell me a million words, but that's not what I need. Don't you get it! I want you to hold me! Just shut up and hold me!....

When a girl is down, she doesn't want to hear anything. She just wants you to hold her, so that she know's that you're there. So that she feels you. So that your warmth can tell her that it's going to be okay. Whatever it is.

What psycological message do you send when you abruptly let go and leave. Insecurity, disinterest, disappointment, and perhaps utter disgust, so much so that you run to get away, and all she needed was a hug.

There are times when I just want someone to be there. Sometimes when I call someone, I say nothing. They're probably wonderin WTF she callin fo if she jus gonna keep quiet. But maybe I just wanted to know that you're there, and you'd be there if there was somehing, if I did need something. I mean if someone can be there for you when you think there's something but there isn't really anything. Then you KNOW that when there is something they'll definitely be there.

Maybe that's what I need...Maybe you cant give that to me. Maybe you just can't shut up.

The night went horribly, it was horrific. I was terrified, I had an accident, it was bad. I dont want to talk about it, never, never.