It's a mixed mass of dark swirl going through me time and again. Just in the middle of anything I may be doing. I think this is what I have been looking for, a desiring urge, to work for something, to feel something out of the ordinary.
Perhaps it the desire to know somebody deeper than the scratch on the surface. Perhaps a part of my heart has burrowed an opening, now, I am able to feel with my heart, though that feeling is pain. With pain exceptionally comes happiness, or perhaps it's the sharp stab in my stomach that I search for, the knife that cuts me deepest, I remember longer. And as a broken record I repeat, it's the memories that hold on forever.
Attraction to man is a peculiar concept, we want things we dont have, and we always want more. The period of mysterious twirls within the body arrives and departs as the drop and rise of the plane, it lasts but for a minute. A man who deeply feels yet lightly expresses, a man who speaks his dream, yet unsure of his destiny. Both, taking life as it comes, more so as it passes in front of their eyes. Being obstructed by a piece of glass, clear, yet far. They see, they feel but they cannot come close, they cannot break the glass, and admit to themselves of what they really want, and what they could have if they just took a step.
Men are bold, men are egoistic, men are unnecessarily secretive, and assumptious, they are strong and insensitive. But if you look into their eyes, if you feel their sigh, they're laughter, their touch, you will know, that deep inside, there's more. It's decieving, it's frustrating, confusing and hurting that I dont know. That I can only assume, that I can only pretend, that I can only hope, and allow that hope to crumble every time I dont know, and every time I am unsure.
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