My dear, these past few weeks I realise that I have not paid enough attention to you. I have been too intrigued with the events going on in my own life, that I have neglected the going ons of your life. I would like to express my public apologies for being such a selfish person recently.
I want to make it up to you. I want to spend time with you, and I want to know and feel the ups and downs of your life. We need this so that we can keep our relationship the closest of close. I want you to know that you have become a major part of my life. I need you more than anyone now adn always.
We never had anyone in our lives to be there for us - I want to be there permentaly for you, and I hope that you can let me have that place in your heart, mind and soul. I want remind you that whatever it is that is on your mind, I want to know. I may not be your best friend, I realise that you have your own best friend, but in my life you are my best friend. We didn't grow up together before, but we will grow wise together now.
I understand that these are very emotional words that I am expressing, I just want you to realise that you are already a part of me and you cannot go away, and we cannot let this fade.
I miss you and I love you, with the deepest of what's left of my soiled heart - Zt.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
The Early Sunday
Sunday, my day out with Zt, it was another hilarious day. Themed a complicated combination of normal everyday words - Early Morning and Lost. The day started early, 6 on the dot, I woke up, it was exhilirating, I woke up!
I picked her up by 7...AM, we immediately began chattering away, it began like it always did when we met. Thing was, it was 7 AM! We didn't know where to go, we didn't know who to meet, and worst of all, we didn't know what to do.
So, after much comtemplation, we did what any regular person would do on a Sunday morning, have breakfast. After almost a 30 minute drive across town, past the zoo, we ate an indian style breakfast we could have eaten on any of the fifty shop corners we past by trying to get there.
Still not having had any great ideas, we drove back towards the direction in which we started off the day with. Crashing the radio and news papers for that piece of news that's lead us to at least some sort of excitement for the day - nothing. we still had nowhere to go and nothing to do.
By this time, we'd driven back to the place we started, and into KL town, just roaming around, like two lost souls in the desert, except that we're not in a desert, and we weren't lost yet.
Once we reached dead middle of town I got an idea, we'd go for a date - no we'd go for a sample of a typical "echez-date", the "KLCC-date", the "I'm going to take this girl to see the view date", the date I'd like to call, boring, stereo-typical, dull, and just down-right stupidest thing to take your date to do date.
What happens first is we arrive at the destination, I explain this to Zt as she helplessly regrets having a cousin like me on a Sunday morning, sorry it's afternoon now.
"Oh! We're here? Wow, I've never been here before/Wow, I've never seen KLCC from this angle before!" (this is my third time)
We stand side-by-side, and look at the lights of the city, it's not romantic, there are 32 other couples about 10 feet away!
"Wow, this is so romantic!" (I'm bored now.)
He steps closer to me, it is sooo not romantic! Akward Silence.
"Soo...what are those little lights...? They're moving!?"
"Oh, those are cars"
"Really! They dont look like cars, they're so little!"
"Yup, they're cars."
Akward Silence. 12 O'Clock! Finally!
KLCC's lights go off. The left one goes off first. A 20 second delay before the right one darkens.
"Oh! They turn off the lights to KLCC? I wonder why?!"
" Hmmmm, I dunno"
Shit boring! I gotta make some conversation! I'm making a joke...
" I wonder why they turn off one at a time?! There's probably a little man that switches off the switches one by one so after he finishes the first building, he quickly runs to the next one to switches of those."
Akward Silence
"Ok! I gotta go to the bathroom"
The end, thank goodness.
Literally I've seen KLCC from every angle!
So...after showing Zt my famous bad-date routine, we are off again, we dont know where we wanna go, driving for another 10 minutes, we decided to go to the mall, one she's never been to. At this time, we are again, reaching the zoo. We turn around, drive right back to the middle of town, twice, get lost, circle the jail, thrice, and finally, we're on the right track. That is...after we get off the wrong exit.
We are finally there, the mall. We shop, we walk around, we never really walked the whole place...why...? take a guess...we got lost! we wandered around the same place a dozen times and still couldn't find a way out. It was like the twilight zone.
I picked her up by 7...AM, we immediately began chattering away, it began like it always did when we met. Thing was, it was 7 AM! We didn't know where to go, we didn't know who to meet, and worst of all, we didn't know what to do.
So, after much comtemplation, we did what any regular person would do on a Sunday morning, have breakfast. After almost a 30 minute drive across town, past the zoo, we ate an indian style breakfast we could have eaten on any of the fifty shop corners we past by trying to get there.
Still not having had any great ideas, we drove back towards the direction in which we started off the day with. Crashing the radio and news papers for that piece of news that's lead us to at least some sort of excitement for the day - nothing. we still had nowhere to go and nothing to do.
By this time, we'd driven back to the place we started, and into KL town, just roaming around, like two lost souls in the desert, except that we're not in a desert, and we weren't lost yet.
Once we reached dead middle of town I got an idea, we'd go for a date - no we'd go for a sample of a typical "echez-date", the "KLCC-date", the "I'm going to take this girl to see the view date", the date I'd like to call, boring, stereo-typical, dull, and just down-right stupidest thing to take your date to do date.
What happens first is we arrive at the destination, I explain this to Zt as she helplessly regrets having a cousin like me on a Sunday morning, sorry it's afternoon now.
"Oh! We're here? Wow, I've never been here before/Wow, I've never seen KLCC from this angle before!" (this is my third time)
We stand side-by-side, and look at the lights of the city, it's not romantic, there are 32 other couples about 10 feet away!
"Wow, this is so romantic!" (I'm bored now.)
He steps closer to me, it is sooo not romantic! Akward Silence.
"Soo...what are those little lights...? They're moving!?"
"Oh, those are cars"
"Really! They dont look like cars, they're so little!"
"Yup, they're cars."
Akward Silence. 12 O'Clock! Finally!
KLCC's lights go off. The left one goes off first. A 20 second delay before the right one darkens.
"Oh! They turn off the lights to KLCC? I wonder why?!"
" Hmmmm, I dunno"
Shit boring! I gotta make some conversation! I'm making a joke...
" I wonder why they turn off one at a time?! There's probably a little man that switches off the switches one by one so after he finishes the first building, he quickly runs to the next one to switches of those."
Akward Silence
"Ok! I gotta go to the bathroom"
The end, thank goodness.
Literally I've seen KLCC from every angle!
So...after showing Zt my famous bad-date routine, we are off again, we dont know where we wanna go, driving for another 10 minutes, we decided to go to the mall, one she's never been to. At this time, we are again, reaching the zoo. We turn around, drive right back to the middle of town, twice, get lost, circle the jail, thrice, and finally, we're on the right track. That is...after we get off the wrong exit.
We are finally there, the mall. We shop, we walk around, we never really walked the whole place...why...? take a guess...we got lost! we wandered around the same place a dozen times and still couldn't find a way out. It was like the twilight zone.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
September 3rd, 2005
Saturday, September 3, 2005. I went to a friend's place to hang out. There were twins! I love twins, they are so incredibly adorable. Anyhow, the situation over there was confusing. I didn't know what I wanted, but I did know what I didn't want.
The day went well overall, we talked about alot of things, and sometimes nothing. I guess that's the thing about a good conversation or conversationilist. We could talk about nothing at all and it would be just as interesting as an indepth discussion about war and peace. We talked for 7 hours.
It's been awhile since I've missed my breakfast, lunch and almost dinner. Sometimes I wonder whether my friend really cared that I was starving, dehydrated and cold. I'm sure it was just something overlooked.
It was quite an interesting experience, closets, drivers, mom's and dad's, cousin's, barney, doll's, doll's heads. Honestly, I dont know that I'd wanna do it again had I a chance to relive life.
The day went well overall, we talked about alot of things, and sometimes nothing. I guess that's the thing about a good conversation or conversationilist. We could talk about nothing at all and it would be just as interesting as an indepth discussion about war and peace. We talked for 7 hours.
It's been awhile since I've missed my breakfast, lunch and almost dinner. Sometimes I wonder whether my friend really cared that I was starving, dehydrated and cold. I'm sure it was just something overlooked.
It was quite an interesting experience, closets, drivers, mom's and dad's, cousin's, barney, doll's, doll's heads. Honestly, I dont know that I'd wanna do it again had I a chance to relive life.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Simple, Sophisticated and Satisfying
Thursday night is ladies night in a particular club in the middle of town. Some friends of mine and I decided that we'd check out the scene that night. As always, I expected as much, they cancelled on me. Clubbing isn't really my thing, considering that I dont enjoy music, I dont dance, and well...must I explain further? But my love of meeting people, light drinking, intense socialising and astonishment of people who actually can dance, pulled me there that night. It was actually my first at the clubbed once dibbed the hottest spot in town.Sad?....well it's safe to assume so....
Another bunch of friends were going that night. Problem was, they were all guys. A few years ago I'd never second thought going out with whomever, and whatever quantity. Alas, I have grown, two grey hairs I'm semi pround and embarrassed to mention. I shall not pull them out until I've decided whether it's a good thing or a bad, to have sprouted not one but two grey hairs barely having begun official adulthood.
I anticipated a night of being a fly on the wall, checking out the lighting, floor plan, stage areas, DJ areas, security, you know things that usually come natural to technically professioned people that venture out of their natural habitat.
So as the night went on, I squeezed my way through the dancing crowd a few times, it much resembled a marathon, at a pasar malam, with no food. I made a few acquaintences, got along with some, didn't get along with others. A misunderstanding took place that night.
A friend of mine, had a disagreement with a guy he introduced me to that night. This friend, I must explain, told me that he was interested in me being a someone to him. I told him that it would take alot of time and getting to really know each other before finally taking that step into a relationship. So friends we remain.
Apparently this friend of mine had a problem with me meeting other people. So much so that he created a scene. Not only do I not like scenes, I felt akward, in a place unfamiliar to me, a dance club. In a way I understand that if you like someone, you'd really feel bad if they were talking to someone else, but making a scene is utterly uncool, demeaning, and just plain childish. You see it in movies, where the gangsters start losing their tempers, turning tables, and chopping peoples heads off. It's sounds an interesting act, it might impress every other lady, but it does not impress me. It makes you look bad, and me feel worse.
Though I knew that he would feel bad that I was talking to another guy, I didn't think I was in any way, at fault because first of all. I talk to alot of guys. I always have and I always will. This is a part of me that makes me who I am. I dont want to pretend that I dont do this and I'm not going to stop talking to guys and stop having friends just because I'm in a relationship. Now tell me what I'm thinking, we're just friends and he already can't accept the way I am. I cant imagine going any further with someone who's going go through so much trouble to restrict me. It's just not going to work out.
The worst mistake a couple can make is to only have each other, and no one else. People are individuals, they have brains and each a heart. I understand that the guy I like had friends before me, and will have friends after me, I will under no circumstances try to compete with his friends, because they have a different kind of relationship that I could never have with him, and they'd never have the relationship that I have with him.
There are things that I can't do for my man, that I need his friends to do for me - it's sort of like outsourcing. Stuff from football to IT stuff, to F1, but also emotional things that sometimes he can't share with me. People need other people, people need to know that.
I guess I don't need that kind of action, that kind of attention anymore. All I need is someone who's there when he needs to be, someone I can make smile, and at the end of the day feel that he had a great day. Simple, sophisticated, and satisfying.
Another bunch of friends were going that night. Problem was, they were all guys. A few years ago I'd never second thought going out with whomever, and whatever quantity. Alas, I have grown, two grey hairs I'm semi pround and embarrassed to mention. I shall not pull them out until I've decided whether it's a good thing or a bad, to have sprouted not one but two grey hairs barely having begun official adulthood.
I anticipated a night of being a fly on the wall, checking out the lighting, floor plan, stage areas, DJ areas, security, you know things that usually come natural to technically professioned people that venture out of their natural habitat.
So as the night went on, I squeezed my way through the dancing crowd a few times, it much resembled a marathon, at a pasar malam, with no food. I made a few acquaintences, got along with some, didn't get along with others. A misunderstanding took place that night.
A friend of mine, had a disagreement with a guy he introduced me to that night. This friend, I must explain, told me that he was interested in me being a someone to him. I told him that it would take alot of time and getting to really know each other before finally taking that step into a relationship. So friends we remain.
Apparently this friend of mine had a problem with me meeting other people. So much so that he created a scene. Not only do I not like scenes, I felt akward, in a place unfamiliar to me, a dance club. In a way I understand that if you like someone, you'd really feel bad if they were talking to someone else, but making a scene is utterly uncool, demeaning, and just plain childish. You see it in movies, where the gangsters start losing their tempers, turning tables, and chopping peoples heads off. It's sounds an interesting act, it might impress every other lady, but it does not impress me. It makes you look bad, and me feel worse.
Though I knew that he would feel bad that I was talking to another guy, I didn't think I was in any way, at fault because first of all. I talk to alot of guys. I always have and I always will. This is a part of me that makes me who I am. I dont want to pretend that I dont do this and I'm not going to stop talking to guys and stop having friends just because I'm in a relationship. Now tell me what I'm thinking, we're just friends and he already can't accept the way I am. I cant imagine going any further with someone who's going go through so much trouble to restrict me. It's just not going to work out.
The worst mistake a couple can make is to only have each other, and no one else. People are individuals, they have brains and each a heart. I understand that the guy I like had friends before me, and will have friends after me, I will under no circumstances try to compete with his friends, because they have a different kind of relationship that I could never have with him, and they'd never have the relationship that I have with him.
There are things that I can't do for my man, that I need his friends to do for me - it's sort of like outsourcing. Stuff from football to IT stuff, to F1, but also emotional things that sometimes he can't share with me. People need other people, people need to know that.
I guess I don't need that kind of action, that kind of attention anymore. All I need is someone who's there when he needs to be, someone I can make smile, and at the end of the day feel that he had a great day. Simple, sophisticated, and satisfying.
Friday, September 02, 2005
One Way Or Another
Why do men find it so difficult to"pour their soul" out to a woman? Is it because of men's egos that forces them to refrain from voicing their inner most thought? Or could the reason to this be held by the woman?
Some woman by nature are sensitive to what a man may think or do, or may have done or thought in the past. Perhaps it is the way a woman will act or react to a man's opinion, that created this barrier.
In my personal opinion, I believe that it is how a woman handles or reacts to what a man says that reflects whether they will tell you more, whether the conversation will move to a deeper level.
I believe that woman, or people in that matter, should respect the views of another person, whether they agree to this other's person's opinion or not.
There are two ways that one could react, one could repel or embrace. It takes alot of courage for a man to tell a woman about himself, especially his weaknesses, and his innermost thoughts. He could easily be rejected, made-fun of, and embarassed. This essentially pinches his ego, his stand as a man. He'll carry a higher, thicker wall the next time. Making sure that no one will ever again invade, and hurt his all precious, fragile soul, he hides so well behind that wall.
Recently, I met a man who told me that he "feels free when he's around me, he could just pour his soul out to me." Usually I would let that thought roll off as a soiled pick-up line. But today I took a chance to think.
Perhaps it is by the embracing approach towards people that makes them feel that they could tell a murder and wouldn't judged.The way I see it, one could be disgusted, annoyed, freaked out, angry or just down right stunned. But does that give us the right to insult a person when they've actually worked up all the guts tell you?
I believe that in whatever a person does or has done, there is reason, and this reason in one way or another is related to something good. OR perhaps I suffer from a fatal case of optimism.
Some woman by nature are sensitive to what a man may think or do, or may have done or thought in the past. Perhaps it is the way a woman will act or react to a man's opinion, that created this barrier.
In my personal opinion, I believe that it is how a woman handles or reacts to what a man says that reflects whether they will tell you more, whether the conversation will move to a deeper level.
I believe that woman, or people in that matter, should respect the views of another person, whether they agree to this other's person's opinion or not.
There are two ways that one could react, one could repel or embrace. It takes alot of courage for a man to tell a woman about himself, especially his weaknesses, and his innermost thoughts. He could easily be rejected, made-fun of, and embarassed. This essentially pinches his ego, his stand as a man. He'll carry a higher, thicker wall the next time. Making sure that no one will ever again invade, and hurt his all precious, fragile soul, he hides so well behind that wall.
Recently, I met a man who told me that he "feels free when he's around me, he could just pour his soul out to me." Usually I would let that thought roll off as a soiled pick-up line. But today I took a chance to think.
Perhaps it is by the embracing approach towards people that makes them feel that they could tell a murder and wouldn't judged.The way I see it, one could be disgusted, annoyed, freaked out, angry or just down right stunned. But does that give us the right to insult a person when they've actually worked up all the guts tell you?
I believe that in whatever a person does or has done, there is reason, and this reason in one way or another is related to something good. OR perhaps I suffer from a fatal case of optimism.
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