Sunday, September 30, 2007

Anniversary Of A Broken Nose

Last year today, at exactly the same time. I felt the exact way that I am feeling this morning.


What a wonderful morning! I wake up to the reprimands from that whom I love most in the world. It's my fault - again.

Shit happened just a few hours before and I was in a horrible state of depression. Practically rubbed my eyes in, dug myself a hole swore to live in it for the rest of my days.

How is it possible that a person can hurt another person from miles and miles away? It's just so unfair. This emotional shit, that us girls just seem to have more of. Well at least I seem to.

Perhaps we're all just hurting ourselves. We probably are just hurting ourselves. When people are not around and we communicate through calls and text, we are bound to such limitations.

They want us to believe that communication has made such a vast improvement, and technology has become so advanced.

But no! Communication systems arent good enough, becuase obviously, we're still having miscommunication!! The sound waves were probably being diffracted and refracted, as we learned in form 5 physics, and made it sound so much like someone was yelling at me.Sounded so much like a very angry person who didnt want much to do with me because I seem to really piss them off sometimes.

Ouch, how hurtful it was for me to have received such a transmission, surely there was a communication breakdown somewhere, because at 12am, which I swore was just about an hour from this outbreak, things just magically twinkled into butterflies and marshmallows, pink daisys and rainbowed candy hearts.

How wonderful it was to have, in theory, a happy anniversary. I mean it was beautifully wrapped up, one minute screaming like someone had contracted mad cow, and the next minute, wonderful, beautiful and hugs and kisses.

My eyes, you know the ones that were almost rubbed off, kinda like erasing the same spot on a piece of paper over and over again. Yeah, they didnt feel too cherry. Oh, did I mention that the heart, yeah the heart didnt feel rainbowey either.

How wonderful it was to be reminded that I've been going through this. This unforgivable pain, for a whole year.

So many people have asked me why. They have doubted me, and even I have doubted myself.

But it will continue...until next year! May there be a tinge of happiness then...I dont ask for much, just a pinch will do.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Random Thoughts

I have a little time today to do a little, thinking. I went to the post office to renew my very much expired drivers license. It was a pretty long wait. I dont see why they have to make you go to the post office to do those things,and open only during office hours.

It's so inconvenient, cant I just pay online, and print out my own e-license?

I can do so many things online, but to renew my license, I have to go and wait in line.

Call me lazy, or just a busy person. But do you have any idea how friggin hot it is outside? Plus parking is always a bitch. Waiting in line is okay, just sit there and do nothing. The worst part has to be the parking.

AND imagine that you have an appointment after. I guess, there has to be a whole 3-4 hours just to get there, park, melt in the sun, and wait in line. Oh! Did I mention the traffic?


The troubles...

Other than that, I was thinking about healthy food. What is healthy food? I know about fruits and vegetables. But does that even make you full? I'd hate to be hungry all the time.

I've really run out of good ideas for food. Everything that comes from the shop is deemed unhealthy by one person or another. Healthy stuff is really expensive.

Last night, I cooked porridge and made broccoli and califlower. That's healthy right?
But I had this weird feeling that if I eat so much rice, that the thingy that makes my insulin, or whatever the thingy is that determines whether you have diabetes or not, starts failing because it's overworked.

I just have this overwhelming guilty feeling everytime I eat something these days. I have no idea why.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Happy? Unhappy?...Not Unhappy!

I'm very glad that I had the courage to make a change in my life. I felt like I was being trapped by my previous company, conned and trapped.

I guess the further I got into it, the more guilty I felt for getting deeper into it.Perhaps it's because I always had the intention to leave.

From the moment I started, I tried not to judge it, and tried to brainwash myself into thinking that the job had a future that I wanted, but it didnt.

I never felt that it was the place for me to begin with, but it was a professional decision that I had to make when I started. There was nothing I could do. It was a bad case of catch 22! With a result that was expected, one way or another.

I realise that I gave them the impression that I was, as a friend once told me, a "lifer" there. I never had that thought in my mind unfortunately.

Another friend told me that this is life. They took a gamble and lost. Move on.

I know it was bad, but I am happier now. There are so many opportunities here, and I am not unhappy.

I'm not yippie-do-da happy - yet, but I'm not unhappy.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

love always

Phew! Things are so busy here, I hardly have time for a breath! I love it! There are so many things to do, I'm glad that I had the courage to take the leap, no let me rephrase, I'm glad that the Lord had given me the strength and courage to change. I knew something was going to happen, I didnt realise it would be so soon. Nevertheless - it's great.

There are still many things that I want to do, and when I had written about Phase 1 of my future goals, I wasnt referring to this.

It's something larger than that. But I'm not going to talk about it, just in case I jinx it...=P

love always

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Somethings To Think About

I took this from -aka pong- :

I like it, I mean I dont like like it, I think it's sad and melancholic, but I feel like this sometimes.

"There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I don’t want to see you because every time I do, the fact that you don’t see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ..."

"Some Day You'll Cry For Me Like I Cried For You, Some Day You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You, Some Day You'll Need Me Like I Needed You, Some Day You'll Love Me But I Won't Love You"

Monday, September 17, 2007

Thank You

Something has finally happened! I have moved to a new company! I am so excited! Two and a half years working for one company, and now, a change. It's a little overwhelming, but I love it! I cant wait for more things to happen! It's so exciting! I have so many people to thank! Most of all I thank the Lord! For taking charge of my life, for leading me to where I am now, for bringing me here, and for providing everything I could ever ask for.

I am very grateful. Very grateful.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Owwwww! I feel good! na-na-na-na-na!

No idea where that thought came from. Guess that song got stuck in my head. Which brings me to an old anecdote.

In college, my roommate and I use to keep the PC on in the room all the time, downloading stuff and etc. So one day we downloaded this alarm thingie, which starts playing a song as the alarm. I always told my roommate that I wanted a nice soothing song that I could sing to coz in the morning, I'd start singing the song in my head, and I'd become conscious and thus awake.

We tried a few songs, some worked, some didnt. But one fine morning at approximately 7am, blasting loud, I hear "Owwwww!I Feel Good"

I got up threw a pillow vigorously across the room, and got really pissed, then went back to sleep.

It scared the shites outta me! I was like WTF? Took me a few mintues to realise that I wasnt being attacked by aliens trying to abduct me.

Never Again