redlemongrass

I'm a little bit calmer now, I'm not going to apologise for my foul language. I say fuck alot in normal circumstances, and when I'm mad even more so.

We use to be in a relationship. I helped him out alot, in every way that I could. I always thought it would get better.

The way he'd always be out drinking, gambling, being a gangster. He loved that. After awhile it gets worse, after awhile all you have is fights and arguements.

I've always been a patient person when it comes to relationships. I give you whatever I think you might need, and I give you whatever you might want.

I also expect the same, I expect more.

All my friends ask me why I am so attracted to guys who are so destructive. Who are...assholes.
I dont know why.

I always keep on thinking that perhaps one day they'll be nice to me, perhaps one day they will tell me that I am beautiful.

Perhaps one day they will tell me that I am a princess, and lift me up from all this pain and prop me upon a cloud of cotton candy.

They're good people, I can see that they're good people. Maybe they just dont show it to me. Maybe they just dont realise how they're slowly killing me, with every minute of their being.
With every assumption they make, every tear they twist out of me.

When Jesus was suffering on the cross, He asked God to forgive the other men for their wrong doings. While He was being judged, suffering and in pain. He saw the good in those people.
I'm not Jesus, I'm not even a good person, but I can see good in people. Just as people can see that these men, are hurting me so much.

Maybe I'm supposed to be bleeding in pain before it becomes better. Maybe the bleeding will lead to death - who knows -