Smile

Why cant I understand? It's not about me not understanding. I feel this way and thus there is a reaction.

When I feel sad, I will cry, when I am happy I will smile, when it's funny I'll laugh. Why cant that be understood? Isn't it just the way people are? How can you expect me to change the way that I feel? People cant change what they feel. People can change the way they react to a feeling, but the feeling will always be there.

I could change my reaction to sadness, I could not cry, but that would just make me feel worse. Crying helps me, I'm a cry-baby. I'm not going to stop feeling, I'm not going to stop crying. If it makes the world feel better, I'll do it in the lone silence of my memoir-filled room, but that doesnt change the fact.

This is not a good time for me, I'm supposed to be strong but this is the weakest that I've ever been. I dont know where to find my strength, the only place I know is from pain.

Soon the pain will be over and I will be stronger, but along with it, I fear, will emerge a diluted heart, one that no longer values, no longer has the ability to adhere intense feelings, positive nor negative.

I thought we had something more, something deeper, but I will smile for you, just like I smile for them, if that is what you really think we are.