In a world where it has always been about everything else, and everyone else. About other's happiness, pride, sadness, depression and even love, at the expense of your own, there is bound to be a time and place where it's about me.
Whether it be in the confines of this place I hide myself in the face of feirce and angry world, whether it be in the confines of my mind.
I believe it's by right, the time. For me, or even part of me, though immensely hesitantly, to stand up and shout for what I want and what I need.
It is the bane of my existance to lose myself in other people.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Me me me me and Me!
I wonder if I will ever be able to be okay with this situation. I believe that I am a very selfish person when it comes to love, care, attention from the people that I love the most. I want it all and I want it now!
I find that alot of times in my life, in my work and in the face of the world out there, everything is okay. But in the confines of my world, it's not okay. It's not okay that I dont get all the attention, it's not okay that there are other things and other people that are not me.
It is not okay that anyone could possibly choose anything other than me, than to be with me, than to talk to me, hang out with me, to do things that I want to do, to do things the way that I like them to be done...me me me me me!!
This self consummation, this desire to be loved to the highest degree, it screams out to the world. Where are you?!?! And why are you not here?!? Why am I still waiting?!
I have never felt this way before, I have never realised what I want and when I did I thought I didnt deserve it. But now I know what I want and I know that I do deserve it and I that is what I am looking for, everything else is sub-standard.
I have always taken sub-standard, I have always lived and suffered through it, and although it was hard, and unpleasent, I dont regret it, as it has only brought me to this point. Where I know what I want, and I am not going to accept anything that doesnt meet my expectations.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow =P
I find that alot of times in my life, in my work and in the face of the world out there, everything is okay. But in the confines of my world, it's not okay. It's not okay that I dont get all the attention, it's not okay that there are other things and other people that are not me.
It is not okay that anyone could possibly choose anything other than me, than to be with me, than to talk to me, hang out with me, to do things that I want to do, to do things the way that I like them to be done...me me me me me!!
This self consummation, this desire to be loved to the highest degree, it screams out to the world. Where are you?!?! And why are you not here?!? Why am I still waiting?!
I have never felt this way before, I have never realised what I want and when I did I thought I didnt deserve it. But now I know what I want and I know that I do deserve it and I that is what I am looking for, everything else is sub-standard.
I have always taken sub-standard, I have always lived and suffered through it, and although it was hard, and unpleasent, I dont regret it, as it has only brought me to this point. Where I know what I want, and I am not going to accept anything that doesnt meet my expectations.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow =P
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Parents In Australia
My parents are here! Yahoo!! They're actually in Perth, but it's so great. It's actually my first achievement and I've been nervous about it for like so long!
It's not easy to satisfy the parents, it seems so difficult to get make them happy and proud. I think I have finally done it.
An all expense paid trip around Australia - like expenses from my pocket!
That's my whole life savings!!! LOL...my parents are expensive. It's not like I have to buy their love and respect coz I'm sure they love and respect me anyway. But it's always nice to know that you can buy them stuff or pay for stuff.
I hope they have a good time. I called them this morning coz they arrived at like 1am this morning and I was asleep. There was no one at the reception so I had to wait a few extra hours to ensure that they got there safely. When I called, they were like, echez! It's veeery cooold and mommy's sick. LOL
I'm like what? You barely just got there and you're sick!
Anyways, hope they have a good time.
It's not easy to satisfy the parents, it seems so difficult to get make them happy and proud. I think I have finally done it.
An all expense paid trip around Australia - like expenses from my pocket!
That's my whole life savings!!! LOL...my parents are expensive. It's not like I have to buy their love and respect coz I'm sure they love and respect me anyway. But it's always nice to know that you can buy them stuff or pay for stuff.
I hope they have a good time. I called them this morning coz they arrived at like 1am this morning and I was asleep. There was no one at the reception so I had to wait a few extra hours to ensure that they got there safely. When I called, they were like, echez! It's veeery cooold and mommy's sick. LOL
I'm like what? You barely just got there and you're sick!
Anyways, hope they have a good time.
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