What Now?

I have never felt this way before, this undenyable sense of self doubt, this overwhelming feeling of complete lack of self confidence.

I have always thought I had the answer to everything, that I could solve any problem. I have never thought that I could not do anything.

But now, I feel helpless, hopeless, that I cannot, that I cant, that I am unable. I feel so small and ignorant.

This unheartening feeling twisting inside. What I want, I dont know, what I need I cannot say. It's something that I never thought I would be without.

I use to feel tall, I use to feel strong, I use to know somewhere inside what I wanted, what I needed. But now, I know I want and I know I need, but what, I cannot perceive.

So many things I blow out of poportion, is it over analysing a situation or is that how I feel. If it is what I feel, is that wrong?Are feelings wrong. Is it my fault that I feel the way that I do about something? Anything? Can I control my feelings towards something. And if I can, should I control my feelings.

Inhibiting yourself to feel is one thing. Inhibiting yourself to act on that feeling is another. It is an already known fact that you can control your reaction to a feeling, but can you control your feelings? Can one control the way that they feel, the feeling that they get inside. The pain,the joy, the intensity of situations?

I just want to be a little girl...I just want to live, I dont want to wonder or ponder or anticipate or reciprocate. I want to fly, until I want to land, and I want to run until I want to stop.