Matters

Theres a silence staring at the ceiling. Lights gone dim. 

Was there an awkwardness, or did it just not feel the same.

Did we imagine our love away? 

We knew this would happen. A figment of an imagination that surpassed reality. 

An exhalation and finally, a realization, and then it's all okay.

Nothing really matters in the end. So everything in the interim, the love, the pain, the fake smiles and laughs. 

Nothing really matters.

Intimate of Souls

The strands of time unravelled, and we found ourselves lost, for so long it wavered in the restless wind in a silent darkness no one heard. 

We searched and searched but it could  not be seen, it's scent so faint, caressed the soul. We knew it was there, waved our arms and wailed a silent, bitter nothingness.

But somehow, we found each other again, our thoughts collide, just as a mountain top water drop forms the wildest rush of waves.

We swivel here and there, with nowhere to go, chained to ourselves just as we're free to our chains.

We risk our risks and prepare to fall. 

Are You Scared?

Does it scare you, this love that might have been and perhaps even was?

This past we shared before and cherish now, the pain of the things we made and lost?

The time that which has lapsed, it has paled the shade of black our white became. And when we meet again, I'm sure, our hearts will mend and fuse again. It will be whole again for us to break.

Does it scare you, the word of worlds, a love?

Emotions

And why do we have this burning desire, to lay our eyes, our hearts, the nakedness of our thoughts upon the bare wholeness in the depth of each others reach.

And why do the words we have spoken, caress our minds, with such soft embrace, they twirl and taint and hold and touch.

And yet with an instant, a thrust and throttle of a fierceness from some force of evil irrationalization we cannot find. A thunderous roar of strength and urge, and soar and tear, to grasp, and clutch and clasp to win. But no, don't stop! For all these fears from heart to mind, cannot bear to lose it all with end. 

So with it all, inside with warmth, a stillness that holds what we were as one, at least for a little moment in time. 

Reflections and Projections

Another reflection, or shall I say, another projection?

I don't want what I had before, I don't crave for those things that I do not have anymore. 

I want new things, I want better things. 

If those things are not available to me, then I want for nothing. 

Why should I pine away for those things in the past? For they, very obviously, were no good at all. And as we selectively remember only the good things about the people in the past, I never for a minute wish to ever have it again. 

For with all that happiness came an immense pain, that only I suffered when my heart was ripped away, it was not worth it, it is not worth it.

But ask me if I wish I had him back, ask me of I ever wish it could have been, and the answer, my friends, is no. 

The One

I don't want to be the I-thought-she-was-the-one-but-I-was-wrong-I'm-certain-you're-the-one girl!!

I wanna be the I-am-certain-you-are-the-one-fullstop girl!!

Healing

Finding the time to heal, to concentrate on the things you have missed in your time of trial and tribulation. As I move on to the next stage of my life, I feel so decisive, so... Grown up. ZT asked me the other day; are we adults yet?

It sure seems like it. It hurts like it is.

So I suppose she's right, we're grown up. Trying to find our niche in the world. What is that one thing that is going to make you happy. It's the eternal question. And being human, it's probably to find that one person in your life that will make you smile and think, YUP, this is the life.

It's the missing link. So many people today, strive to achieve something in their lives with work and money and travels. But in the end, sad to say, it is empty alone.

I can just hear the echos shouting "I told you so" ringing in my mind.

But it will happen. I know it will. And with sheer anticipation, my dreams will come true.

Love Always Prevails

Judgement

There are so many things in life that are wrong, there are so many things in life that we know are wrong, and yet we get pulled into it, we try to make justifications for it, pretending that it isnt wrong, when it is.

If it is wrong, then it is wrong, and you are doing something wrong.

We all do wrong things, and the worst part is to pretend that it isnt wrong. There are times in our lives that we are going to continue to do wrong things, but in the end, when we reflect back, dont kid ourselves by saying that it wasnt wrong.

It is wrong and what was done was wrong. Wrong to me, wrong to you and wrong to the people you love. Was I wrong? Yes, I was. And so were you. You were wrong, you are wrong!

The best part about wrong things is that you always have a chance to make it right, but only if you can first identify that it was wrong.

I have this image of love, and life. I believe in love and I believe that two people should love each other and get married, and build a family.

I do not believe in building a family without a cemented vow and bond called marriage. I do not accept that people wrecklessly have sex and produce children and are not responisble for them and are not responsible to them. Responsible to your children means being responsible in a family relationship. Being responsible for your children means loving your wife!

People who make excuses about not able to be with the other parent but who have shared a love that has resulted in Children. This is irresponsible.

I cannot and do not accept this.

If you are pregnant, you get married, if you have children, and continue to have children, get married, I do not see how one can have such a relationship. Lying and cheating, making children here and there, not getting married, not vowing your life to another person, much less your children.

I cannot accept this.

I feel sorry for the children of the world who have to endure parents who cannot even pledge their love to each other yet can say that they love their children.

I feel hatred to men who can watch their women go thru childbirth yet have the indencency to go out and sleep with another woman, to lie and cheat, while their woman are nursing the children they say they love.

And I feel hatred for women who allow for this to happen. It is wrong. I accept that it is wrong. Lying and cheating are wrong. It is wrong for another woman to accept a man that cannot accept his responsibilities.

It has no justification, it makes no sense.

=..(

The beauty of a woman is in her smiles and laughter which melts your heart and rings in your ears even when she is not there. Perceive physical beauty is only skin deep and many times not enhance by smile. As age advances physical beauty fades and inner beauty if present shines forth.....
The beauty of a woman is in her care, her warm embrace, her unflinching love which will hold you in a way that no steel cage can.....