While I Was Away

I talked to zt today, didnt realise how much better I would feel just talking openly to someone that I trust. I dont know why, she just seemed to know and listen and understand.

*sigh*

But I guess we all have our lives to live.

Well, I dont have much to say, alot of things happened, alot of people have been wrecklessly busting my phone with calls.

Acquaintances, friends getting married, guys I once dated, people I thought were friends who then turned into people who wanted more than friends, who proceeded to suddenly not be friends anymore just becuase they cant be more than that.

I dont know why, maybe it's the season.

There's like a season, where everyone who broke up in the beginning and middle of the year, and have just started getting back into the dating scene. And where guys just start to look back into their little black books.

Apparently, my number is in alot of people's little black books, and I'm not trying to boast or anything like that because belieeeve me! You dont want 3-4 year ago dates to call you again.

They call you and think that they can just pick up where they left off, thinking that just because I picked up the call, and wasnt rude, that I am the same person that I was back then- wrong!

There's a reason that we stopped talking to each other, there's a reason that it didnt really work out before, and I'll be damned that it should work now.
But there was one old friend, we got chatting online and decided to have a harmless dinner, just like the olden days. It was amazing how relaxed I felt. It's not like there was fireworks or anything like that. We use to be good friends, really good friends, we'd talk about everything under the sun, even about guys I was dating, classes, basketball, love, hate, dreams, everything. Unfortunately, when you talk to men about love and life, the word friends doesnt last that long, and in the olden days, it became that he wanted more, and I didnt feel the same way. And it was a horrible thing.

BUt now it's good between us. I've found a friend again. I'm just afraid that we'll tell each other all of our secrets, and then he'll want to be more than friends again, and then abandon me, again. Not in the romantic lovey dovey way, but in a sort of loyal friendship kind of way. But I get it, boys and girls can never be friends. It's just physically and mentally impossible.

It's either one person starts having romantic feelings for the other and never says a word about it, and continues being the friend. Or, one party speaks up, and the whole scenario is destroyed.

Anyways I dont think this finding an old friend thing is going to last long, but it's okay if it doesnt, at least I had a moment that brought me back memories.