"It seems your friend is having a bit of trouble controlling his life, that's completely his own responsibility." MT

Tainted Expections?

I thought I had been through it all before, but I hadn't... There must be more, and I will learn expect it. 

It has been a long journey in search of what I really want in life. And as one of my exes predicted, one day I would yearn for it. One day I would be ready.

And I am, I'm ready now, more ready than ever. The things in my life are lined up, with allowances for the unexpected, which actually means that it is expected. 

With this in mind, I set out again, but now I know, I am certain of what I want and need in life. 

IT'S NOT OK!!

I can't see it being ok. Seeing what we've seen, hearing what we've heard, being where we've been, and doing what we've done. 

ITS NOT OK!!!

Pain vs Strength

The way the wind sways is so hard to determine, but everyone knows the calm before the storm. Then the hot damp darkness after the wreck, reeks of death and anger. 
You wonder why these things are done to you. Why the world waves your deepest desires in your face and destroys them while you struggle to grasp it's strands. 
Perhaps these are the trials and training grounds for something bigger, something better. 
But it sure hurts. 

Pain

There are no words to speak the fury that boils within me. There are but the tears of weakness that appear to the world. My heart torn from my being. My skin bare. My soul robbed of its fill. 
My breath, it's so hard to breathe. I cannot lift myself from this. It has crushed into the depths of an infinity undefined. 
A dream snatched from my grasp, like watching yourself disintegrate in pain before your own eyes. Unable to undo what will last your lifetime and a lifetime after you. 
Oh woe, woe is me.