Monday, November 30, 2009

I do not want to plan anymore, all I want to do is live my life, with nothing in my mind. If I lose my job, then I will do the things that I want to do. I will travel the world and live off of gruel and odds and ends. Until I find my way again.

I am lost.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


He looks for me in the dark, when the moon dresses for an evening out. He takes my hand and I feel his soft lips as this field, so strong, embraces the smile of my skin.

When he finds me, the air around radiates rings as the twinkles of the silver chime.

And the mount of anger from all it's winds couped into a cage to burst, dissipates with a puff of sparkles, glitter in the night's strong pitch.

He sees the world within him change, tries on all the colors that no longer seem to fit.

But soon enough we'll all mould ourselves back into the blankets of safety we stow away for days like these.

In a world so filled with life, there's a hollow bored into our souls.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And — which is more — you'll be a Man my son!

~Rudyard Kipling~


What does it mean to be strong? I always had this image that personal strength meant that in times of grief and sorrow, we could stand tall, and face the reality of what life presents to us, after all, if we take a step back, what does it all really mean?

In time everything is meaningless. Love that was shared will diminish, lives that were shared will diminish, into thin air. Everything changes, everything moves on. We want to believe that life has a deeper meaning, but does it? 

What we know and what we feel, what happens to that in the end?

We make decisions in our lives that we know will hurt us. With a clean slate it is obvious to sight, but to one that holds a mess of scar? Does it stand out enough to be noticed? Or is it dug into an unhealed and supple place.

It really only takes one in a billion, a droplet in a snow storm to make a shift, and who would have thought a dream would turn to a nightmare come true with but a single stray thought.

And had it been known, of course it was known, would it take the same path twice? I suppose it wouldn't. Fear holds us all in contempt.

So let's have it, if strength is to face reality and to accept it indifferent, and life is just the thoughts, the emotions that we create and submerge ourselves in, then the reality is what we create, and perhaps, to be strong is to lead a life that is controlled by the refined sophistication of knowledge.

We are not stupid. We know, we act, we take responsibility, and in the end, we should feel it, then smile, then let it go, never to forget, and always to reminisce . To know the system, and to overcome it. That is strength