Thursday, November 20, 2008


Two years they said, two years and we would seperate. I never believed it, but he did. When I went to sleep at night, sometimes, the words would ring in my mind, "time will tell, you will leave me after two years."

It was like taking a bullet everytime the thought went through my mind. I love you with every fibre of my heart, how could I ever be the one to leave you? I couldnt believe it, I really didnt.

There were flaws, but I believed that he could overcome them, I thought that if I gave myself to him, that he would recognise it and give himself to me. I found out today, that he would never give himself to me, because he's a man, and men just dont sacrifice. They take and take and take and expect more.

Perhaps I didnt give enough, and of course, I have more to give, and yes, I was holding back. There's only so much I can handle you know. As much as I have this theory of suffering for my man, but my man just aint gettin it you know!

How hard is it to buy your girl chocolates? It's stupid and horrible, but I want chocolates! You cant just take and take and show no appreciation and take some more and have this idea that yeah, one day you're going to be nice.

I just dont think it's fair. I just wanted to be loved. I was in the relationship too.

Above all of this, above all the chocolates that I never got, all the hugs and kisses that I never got enough of. Above all of this, I wanted to be the mother of his children.

And I come home, and all of this is shattered. It's gone, it's never going to be the same.

I heard of dimples and roses since last December. And now I have to believe that they meant nothing to him. We spent 1 year together, and 1 year apart. He spent 1 year with me, and 1 year with someone else. And this I know.

And it sucks. It was not a one time thing, it was a 1 year thing and counting.

I am not the one for him, if I were, he would have bought me chocolates by now. And he wouldnt be calling another girl, "b".