GADDAMNIT

Gaddamnit! You know how sometimes you get your hopes up and gather all your guts and work up all your cowardly courage to say something to someone or to confront someone, and you've finally put your foot down and said to yourself, OK!!! This is it, there's no turning back and you're all siked and pumped up, and then you finally take a step towards this person, and you walk thru the door, and....they're not there. You finally get to dialling the numbers and....it rings and rings and rings...and just keeps ringing...until the woman on the other ends picks up and says "I'm sorry..."and you dont ever stick around to hear the end of the sentence, but you can imagine.

I'm sorry echez, you are such an idoit!
I'm sorry, the number you have called is ignoring you.
I'm sorry, the number you have called is much too busy to answer your call!
I'm sorry!

Yeah, well, I'm sorry too!

What was I thinking? Maybe I wasnt, maybe I dont want to but I should.

Maybe I should be the one to take a stand, I keep asking myself why I always have to be the one to give up what I want for the sake of other people.

*sigh*

I guess it's because I have to take responsibility for the situation that I have put myself into.

I will blame myself and no one else, for getting myself into the position that I am in. I knew it from the beginning, and hey, I made the decision.

Was it worth it? I dont know, is pain ever worth it?

*sigh*

The worst thing is to be alone in pain. Nothing is worth being alone in this world.