There was a time when I was so sure, of you and why and how, and now I walk like a matted shade in the distance of my view. I cannot see here nor can I feel there.
And in the midst of this heart that fades in time that grows away, I do not have what I should have, I am not where I should ought to be.
Where does it go from here for far and wide there is no path, no road to pursue, no aim to abide.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Choice For Nothing More
In the days of reflection, when the path for us is drawn by all that is around us. We take on the things in our lives with such power, with such force. We fall into an aura with the confidence to conquor the world.
The byproduct washes over the edge, and find that there has been an earth shattering realisation. A realisation that what was there is not enough, that you need to kick and scream and fight because you are ready. You have found that it is time for you to leap into the air an fly.
The comfort of the nest that was built for you, with pieces of you, is no longer enough. Your world has brightened, and now you can see, that there is so much more out there. So much more than you have ever had, you see that there is so much more that you could have - And you want it.
And so as the giver, shall shrink away into the nothingness it all stemed from. To be a lost part of all the lives.
The inspiration, the love, the hope and wisdom, are gone.
There is but a shell left to decompose.
It has always been true that if there are no choices to choose, then the choice was not chosen. There has been a belief that one should see the world, and see it's brilliance, see it's beauty and magic, and if after the diamonds have sparkled in your eyes, the sweetness has swirled your tongue, you come back to find that the one right here in front of you, shines just as bright, tastes just as sweet, then you have made a choice, you have chosen.
And what more, you hold the honor to want for nothing else.
The byproduct washes over the edge, and find that there has been an earth shattering realisation. A realisation that what was there is not enough, that you need to kick and scream and fight because you are ready. You have found that it is time for you to leap into the air an fly.
The comfort of the nest that was built for you, with pieces of you, is no longer enough. Your world has brightened, and now you can see, that there is so much more out there. So much more than you have ever had, you see that there is so much more that you could have - And you want it.
And so as the giver, shall shrink away into the nothingness it all stemed from. To be a lost part of all the lives.
The inspiration, the love, the hope and wisdom, are gone.
There is but a shell left to decompose.
It has always been true that if there are no choices to choose, then the choice was not chosen. There has been a belief that one should see the world, and see it's brilliance, see it's beauty and magic, and if after the diamonds have sparkled in your eyes, the sweetness has swirled your tongue, you come back to find that the one right here in front of you, shines just as bright, tastes just as sweet, then you have made a choice, you have chosen.
And what more, you hold the honor to want for nothing else.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Demand To Rule The World
In a world where it has always been about everything else, and everyone else. About other's happiness, pride, sadness, depression and even love, at the expense of your own, there is bound to be a time and place where it's about me.
Whether it be in the confines of this place I hide myself in the face of feirce and angry world, whether it be in the confines of my mind.
I believe it's by right, the time. For me, or even part of me, though immensely hesitantly, to stand up and shout for what I want and what I need.
It is the bane of my existance to lose myself in other people.
Whether it be in the confines of this place I hide myself in the face of feirce and angry world, whether it be in the confines of my mind.
I believe it's by right, the time. For me, or even part of me, though immensely hesitantly, to stand up and shout for what I want and what I need.
It is the bane of my existance to lose myself in other people.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Me me me me and Me!
I wonder if I will ever be able to be okay with this situation. I believe that I am a very selfish person when it comes to love, care, attention from the people that I love the most. I want it all and I want it now!
I find that alot of times in my life, in my work and in the face of the world out there, everything is okay. But in the confines of my world, it's not okay. It's not okay that I dont get all the attention, it's not okay that there are other things and other people that are not me.
It is not okay that anyone could possibly choose anything other than me, than to be with me, than to talk to me, hang out with me, to do things that I want to do, to do things the way that I like them to be done...me me me me me!!
This self consummation, this desire to be loved to the highest degree, it screams out to the world. Where are you?!?! And why are you not here?!? Why am I still waiting?!
I have never felt this way before, I have never realised what I want and when I did I thought I didnt deserve it. But now I know what I want and I know that I do deserve it and I that is what I am looking for, everything else is sub-standard.
I have always taken sub-standard, I have always lived and suffered through it, and although it was hard, and unpleasent, I dont regret it, as it has only brought me to this point. Where I know what I want, and I am not going to accept anything that doesnt meet my expectations.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow =P
I find that alot of times in my life, in my work and in the face of the world out there, everything is okay. But in the confines of my world, it's not okay. It's not okay that I dont get all the attention, it's not okay that there are other things and other people that are not me.
It is not okay that anyone could possibly choose anything other than me, than to be with me, than to talk to me, hang out with me, to do things that I want to do, to do things the way that I like them to be done...me me me me me!!
This self consummation, this desire to be loved to the highest degree, it screams out to the world. Where are you?!?! And why are you not here?!? Why am I still waiting?!
I have never felt this way before, I have never realised what I want and when I did I thought I didnt deserve it. But now I know what I want and I know that I do deserve it and I that is what I am looking for, everything else is sub-standard.
I have always taken sub-standard, I have always lived and suffered through it, and although it was hard, and unpleasent, I dont regret it, as it has only brought me to this point. Where I know what I want, and I am not going to accept anything that doesnt meet my expectations.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow =P
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